Murdertini
Revenge is a dish best served in the form of salmon-flavored yogurt.
But first, a love story.
I spent most of last week in the Bay Area for some work trainings. I am so lucky to have a job that regularly brings me back there so I can enjoy the food and my friends every few months. Occasionally the stars align and Collin is able to join me for the trip up north.
The stars were in our favor throughout this trip. We were on the last flight out of San Diego before they cancelled flights to NorCal for the day due to weather. We landed in time for brunch at my favorite Berkeley restaurant. We were the only people at a bar when we hung out with Amy later that night.
But the stars really outdid themselves on our way home. I was able to leave training early on the last day to catch an earlier flight. Because I have A-list on Southwest (wow, what a flex!) I was able to get on the new flight immediately while Collin waited on stand-by.
Collin waited in a customer service line while I went straight to the gate. I asked the gate agents when my fiance would be able to get a boarding pass. They said he would be able to get one one hour before the flight, “But fiance? Tell us all about that!”
I spent the next 10 minutes talking to the 3 agents about our wedding plans and what they wish they had done when they were getting married. When Collin walked up, they all said, “Congratulations! We are SO happy for you.” Collin was confused, but appreciative.
He was able to get a boarding pass and we took our seats, waiting for the B group to board. The A boarding group began to line up and one of the friendly gate agents came up to us.
“As an engagement gift, we’d love for you to pre-board so you can get on the plane early.” Delightful!
We boarded the plane behind 2 passengers in wheelchairs, aka Southwest first class. Once everyone had boarded, they began the pre-flight announcements. Right before they signed off, the flight attendant said, “We have two special passengers on board. Could Collin and Alberto please select the ‘call attendant’ button? They recently got engaged and we’d love everyone to congratulate them. On behalf of Southwest Airlines, please accept this bottle of champagne.”
You haven’t lived until your love is a public service announcement.
This was a fantastic trip and I took it as a sign from the universe that I had made good decisions over the last few years. Upon landing, we went home and another great decision was waiting for us behind the door.
Today marks the one year anniversary of adopting Martini and it is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Not only is she a great vessel for me to project all of my Animal Science knowledge onto, she is sweet and makes me laugh.
But I do think she’s trying to kill me. The piece at the end of this newsletter explores this paranoia.
February Book Reviews I
Evil Eye: 4 stars
What I liked about this book: One of my favorite things about reading is learning about different cultures and perspectives. I think this is the first book I’ve read with a Palestinian-American point-of-view and it provided some additional context to what happening in the world right now, which I appreciated.
I also enjoyed the character development and writing style. The story unfolded in a surprising way and I liked that I couldn’t tell where it would go.
Who I’d recommend this book to: People who want to read a book with a Palestinian perspective; anyone who has a family member with Borderline Personality Disorder; anyone who is trying to break free from generational trauma; anyone who is scared of starting therapy.
Medium of the book: Audiobook borrowed from the San Diego County Library
Judging a book by its cover: I love the evil eye as a design motif so I was immediately drawn to this cover.
My favorite people’s favorite things.
I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist. Last month I bought Simon' Rex’s jump rope and Laila Gohar’s stain remover. Here are some of my favorite people’s favorite things.
I love my job because it keeps me connected to the Bay Area and the people who I love that live there. One of those people is Steph.
Steph and I started on the same day in our office and I immediately thought she was so cool. She does cool things in cool places, but what I love most about her is her kindness and humor. She is a friend who makes me want to be the best version of myself so I can keep up with her.
My absolute favorite memory of her took place 2 years ago after a particularly rough work event. Luckily, she, Steph E., and I had the foresight to book tickets to Medieval Times in Buena Park for that evening so I had something to look forward to.
We were assigned to the Blue Knight’s section and I would still die for him. During the procession of the knights, we were all relieved to find out that the Blue Knight was the hottest.
After the show we mentally prepared ourselves for a drive to Fresno for the next day’s work day event. Although the drive was arduous, it went by so quickly because of the excellent conversation in the car. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I do remember we eventually sang the entire Chicago soundtrack and that is when my soul left my body (in a good way).
Steph is one of my favorite people and I’m so glad her time has come to share her favorite things. The world needs to know.
So, without further ado, Steph’s favorite things as told by her…
The Criterion Channel - Two years ago I challenged myself to watch 100 new movies over the course of the year, and almost all of them were ones that I saw on the Criterion Channel. It has a great mix of classic and contemporary films from all over the world, and many films that have been deemed culturally or artistically significant never leave the platform (crucially, it has a great set of samurai films, which is my comfort genre). I am a person who misses the perks of physical media like interviews or commentary tracks, but the Criterion Channel provide tons of those as well as the films themselves. My favorite is a series called "Adventures in Moviegoing," where well known actors or directors will talk about formative movies to them - all of which are available on the site.
The app Merlin - A bird identification app that includes a Shazam-for-birds tool. It is deeply cool to go from barely registering birds around me, to noticing who is migrating in and out of the wetland area around my home. Logging birds you hear/see also helps the folks at Cornell (who manage the app) note migration patterns!
The video game Hades (2020) - You, a Prince of Hell, are trying to escape to the Surface. If you die on your way there - which you will - you reappear back in the House of Hades, where you can talk to your hot friends and power up using resources you find on your escape attempts. This format makes dying in the game not frustrating (again, hot friends to talk to), and every run gets easier as you get stronger. This game is the whole package with gorgeous art, a beautiful soundtrack, incredible voice acting, and really fun gameplay. I've played it for hundreds of hours and it never gets stale. Hades II is going to be released in early access this year, and if it's literally just more of the same I'll be ecstatic.
Dive shop tee-shirts - Scuba diving is my favorite thing to do - it makes me feel (re)connected to an awe-inspiring world and gives me a new way to travel all over the world. When staying at a dive resort, folks nearly exclusively wear dive shop merch that they've gotten from their travels, and everyone loves to talk about their favorite dive sites or resort recommendations - they're the easiest conversations I have with people I don't know. I mentioned this to Alberto once and he said this was like "being the water bottle you put stickers on," which I have not been able to stop thinking about.
The album "All Hail West Texas" (2002) by The Mountain Goats - I love the Mountain Goats, and this is the album I recommend to anyone who wants to check them out and doesn't mind lo-fi (if you do mind lo-fi, "Tallahassee" is where to start, btw). "All Hail West Texas" was recorded on John Darnielle's clearly-on-its-last-legs boombox, which you can hear on the album as a persistent, comforting grind under Darnielle's incredible songwriting. It's a perfectly imperfect album that captures the emotional range from "I will live, out of spite" to "seconds from anguished collapse" and I adore it.
Having strong feelings about Les Miserables translations - Les Miserables is my favorite book of all time, and I've slowly collected physical editions over the last decade because I love seeing how passages differ between translations. The history is fascinating - did you know that there was a butchered translation that was popular among Confederate soldiers during the Civil War? "Lee's Miserables", as you can imagine, was heavily edited and censored because the source material has a heavy abolitionist stance - weird choice, dudes! This version is not part of my library. Anyway, in short, generally the best translation to start with is Fahnestock and Macafee (faithful to the original; a little old-fashioned but modernized enough to be readable), though I like Hapgood as well and hear that Donougher is great (this one's quite new and I haven't read it yet!). No friend of mine is ever going to start with the Denny or Rose translations. Happy reading!
REPLICA cologne (Jazz Club) - I think nine out of ten celebrity shopping lists have their cologne or perfume listed, so here's mine. It's warm, spicy, and boozy - like rum and cigars and vanilla. It's the most luxurious thing in my bathroom cabinet by far.
The bar book Cocktail Codex - In March 2020, I became fixated on learning how to craft a good Martini and Manhattan, because mine always tasted like crap (I now know that the culprits here were likely old vermouth and over/under-dilution). Over these last few years I've accumulated lots of mixology and bar books, and one of my favorites is Cocktail Codex, by the good folks at Death and Co. in New York. Instead of being solely a recipe book, the Cocktail Codex posits that the majority of cocktails can be grouped into different "families" based on six fundamental root cocktails. Understanding how and why these drinks work (based on ratios, ingredients, etc.) means I'm much more successful in crafting something that tastes balanced and tasty when I get creative.
The cookbook Ottolenghi Simple - Alberto recommended this cookbook to me and over the last month I've made several recipes - all of them have been absolute bangers and, as promised, very easy to make. My favorite so far has been a curried lentil, tomato, and coconut soup, which you can actually find online if you want to take a trial run. You won't regret it!
Porco Rosso (1992), directed by Hayao Miyazaki - Japan Airlines asked Miyazaki to make a short in-flight movie for them, and Miyazaki said "okay, but it's going to be about survivor's guilt and life in the post-WWI Adriatic." Porco Rosso is my current go-to Miyazaki movie when I want to just throw something on. It doesn't get the same pop as some of Miyazaki's other works, which I think is a damn shame. This movie is gorgeous and has a lot of heart, and I love that it's a fairly quick watch. Don't pass over it. Better a pig than a fascist!
All the ways I think Martini is plotting to kill us.
Fartini: Martini has slowly been collecting fallen food items and letting them ferment in a corner of our closet. When the time is right, she will begin eating all of these fermented food scraps. She will time this to happen so her intense gas will happen at night while we sleep. We will never wake up because we will have succumbed to her toxic gas.
Meantini: Martini will be sitting on the bed while I try on clothes for an upcoming event. She will point out that those pants used to fit a lot better a few pounds ago. She will jump off the bed, stretch, and then walk out of the room. I will be left standing in front of the mirror with tears welling up in my eyes. This will set me off on an emotional spiral and ends with me dying from a tapeworm I purchased while waiting in line at the San Ysidro border crossing.
Murdertini: At first we just thought the chirping she would do at birds in the window was cute and harmless. We would realize too late that it was actually her evil plan coming together. Martini has been learning to communicate with birds in order to coordinate an attack. One evening while out on a walk a murder of crows will descend upon Collin and me. They will attack us and we will accidentally fall off a side of a cliff.
Messtini: Anyone who has ever been to my home knows how clean and organized I am. I pride myself on the order I’ve created in my space, and no one knows that more than Martini. The messes will start small - a small spill from her water fountain or a few bits of litter spread around the living room. Slowly but surely the messes will increase to the point where I am spending all my time cleaning. I will die by accidentally creating chlorine gas when I overdo it while cleaning with bleach.
Messytini: Martini will screenshot text messages from Collin and me when we vent about people we love. She will create a deuxmoi style social media account and we will be promptly cancelled. When Collin and I ultimately turn on each other and die in a dramatic showdown, Martini will post a Notes app apology saying she never meant it to get to this point.
Meowtini: We won’t notice the change, which makes this method so genius. Her meows will get progressively louder, deteriorating our eardrums. One night she will climb onto our bed and scream into our ears, finally destroying our hearing. While out on a walk, we will be arguing because we can’t communicate with each other and we won’t notice the garbage truck backing into us.
War-Crimetini: Martini gets really interested in war history and won’t stop lecturing us about it. She bores us to death.
I love ALL the -tinis. I also fear them. :)
When did you change your name?