The Daddy Issue
Just trying to make Papa proud.
This newsletter is later than usual because I am exhausted. I spent all of yesterday doing Dad drag.
I’ve started a tradition with my nieces and nephews for their 10th birthdays. I take them to Disneyland by themselves and they get to control the day. Collin and I spent more time in the Galaxy’s Edge section of the park than either of us would’ve liked, but being a parent means sacrifice.
I’m sure all the parents who read this are rolling their eyes by now (as they should). I’ve known for a long time that I didn’t want kids. When I was single, I would usually tell the guy on the first date that I didn’t want kids so neither of us would waste our time.
I would qualify it by saying, “I don’t dislike children, but I love my nieces and nephews so much that I feel like they are my kids. I’d rather supplement their lives than have my own kid.” The polite guys would nod and say what a sweet sentiment that was. The normal ones would take a sip of their drink and probably think, “slow down, crazy.”
My dad set a very high standard of what it is to be a father, in my opinion. I grew up confidently knowing that my sisters and I were the center of my dad’s universe. He is the most selfless person I’ve ever met. Any kindness or warmth you’ve felt from me is because I’m my dad’s son.
It was fun to be a dad for the day yesterday, but it felt so good to drop off my nephew after the day and go back to my quiet home. Martini has no idea Disneyland exists and I like it that way.
Also, if anyone follows those DILFs of Disneyland accounts, please let me know if I make an appearance. I looked great.
March Book Reviews II
A Tale for the Time Being: 5 stars
What I liked about this book: Everything! The writing! The existentialism. The philosophy. The way it ripped apart my brain and put it back together. This book made me understand quantum physics.
Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever considered suicide; anyone who has ever moved because of a loved one; anyone who has ever written in a journal and thought about what would happen if someone else found it.
Medium of the book: Kindle copy borrowed from the UC Berkeley library AND a paperback copy I purchased from Moe’s Books, an amazing independent bookstore.
Judging a book by its cover: I love it so much. It’s part of why I bought a physical copy.
Recommended to me by: Michele!
Between Two Moons: 3.5 stars
What I liked about this book: I liked how much I learned about Ramadan and what life is like for a person from the MENA diaspora in modern America. My only critique is that there is so much world building in the beginning that it took me awhile to get into it.
Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who likes stories about families; anyone who loves their siblings, but sometimes doesn’t like them.
Medium of the book: Audiobook from the Sacramento Public Library
Judging a book by its cover: I liked it when I saw it for soley aesthetics, but it’s taken on a different meaning now that I’ve finished the book.
Recommended to me by: Collin. I cannot believe I ended up with someone who recommends books to me. I am the luckiest guy in the world.
My favorite people’s favorite things.
I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist. Last month I bought Carole Radziwill’s cat litter. Update: Carole Radziwill has terrible taste in cat litter. Here are some of my favorite people’s favorite things.
Getting older means experiencing the joy of watching your friends create their own families. I have high expectations for my friends’ partners because I know how wonderful my friends are and I think they deserve the best.
After Jana introduced me to Ricky for the first time, I remembering calling a mutual friend and telling him that Jana had won. She had found the perfect man.
Ricky immediately went from being my friend’s boyfriend to just another one of my friends. He is my favorite person to talk about Zelda with. I love that he used to be in a fraternity and sometimes the frattiness comes out. He has taught me that Iowa is 75% vowels and 100% fun.
One of the biggest incentives to moving to San Diego a few years was being closer to them. Watching them create their own family has been wonderful to witness as they’ve changed from fun people to fun parents. Ricky in dad mode reminds me of my dad, which is the highest compliment I can give someone.
So, without further ado, here are Ricky’s favorite things as told by him:
[looks around the room waiting for someone else to stand up] Why is everyone looking at me? Oh…hold on. ME? You’re featuring ME as one of your FAVORITE PEOPLE within the first year of publication. Truly, this is an honor…but I thought you had more friends than this, Alberto.
I’d like to first thank my wife. Without her I would not be here on this prestigious forum. Together we have built an awesome life where we get to live in San Diego, raise two kids, and talk about city planning at the dinner table. But more importantly, I want to thank her for introducing me to Alberto. The man who took me to my first horse races at Del Mar, jokingly told us we were muted during our Zoom wedding, and convinced me that Sacramento was cool and the Alum Rock neighborhood of East San Jose was not.
With my apologies to P.L. Robertson, people from Stockton, and climate change deniers, here are my 10 things:
Sports. I will watch (most) any sporting event. Football? Hell yeah brother. Basketball? Dish me the rock. Curling? Hurl it my way, baby. Sports are unscripted chaos. Sure, sure, sure…they all have sets of rules and order of gameplay that must be followed. I’ll even subscribe to some conspiracy theories that certain professional sports are scripted for $$. But for the most part, the final outcome is unknown until the game has come to a complete stop. It’s like watching an improv show…except most of the actors are in great shape, and at the end of it I don’t have to tell my high school theater buddy that it was really funny and that he should totally keep pursing this as a career.
But more specifically, I like Iowa State University Sports. I grew up and spent a majority of my adolescence in Iowa. When I moved to California fresh out of undergrad, I didn’t know what to expect. My Tea Party Aunt warned me to “look out for the pinkies” and my friends gave loving advice like “don’t die in an earthquake.” My lived experience in Iowa was so drastically different than those I met from the Bay Area, LA, or San Diego. Sports, and in particular sports associated with Iowa State University, became a gateway to share where I came from and who I was. It opened the door for me to find commonality through players or past games where our rooting interests or hometowns had once intermixed. At the same time, watching Iowa State sports also helped me stay connected to my home thousands of miles away.
Minor League Baseball Logos. I promise this whole thing isn’t about sports, but, I adore minor league baseball logos and team names. They’re not fancy schmancy, million dollar teams…but rather broke-ass marketing departments trying desperately to get a couple hundred people to watch mediocre baseball players play relatively meaningless games. This leads to team names like the Rocket City Trash Pandas, the Amarillo Sod Poodles, and the Staten Island Pizza Rats. They get more outrageous when they cook up “alternate” logos like the San Jose Churros, Eugene Exploding Whales, and San Antonio Flying Chanclas. I love them all and I want to collect hats with every one of their cartoonish and over the top logos.
Roadtrips. The sustainability wonk in me hates that I’m about to say this…but the best way to see the U.S. is by driving through it. Having been to nearly all 50 states (#humblebrag), some of my greatest memories come from completely unplanned events on roadtrips, like: setting up and leaving a broken tent on the side of the highway in Utah; stumbling into Harper Lee’s 100th birthday celebration in Monroeville, Alabama; or riding the world’s largest jackalope. I crave the feeling of having only a starting and ending destination with an unknown journey in between.
Maps. Perhaps another reason I love roadtripping is because I LOVE maps. Did anyone else grow up with a volume of those massive world atlas books that were sold by some random door-to-door guy? I probably looked at them every day – mystified by how borders were created, why roads went certain directions, and how topography shifts and defines regions and nations. My high school notebooks were full of doodles of fake country maps…which has manifested itself in adulthood as finding globes in antique shops pointing out old country names or borders, and following far too many Instagram accounts that just talk about international border disputes.
Perching. Also known as taking in a view. One of my favorite places to be is somewhere looking over something else. From a second story deck overlooking a yard to the highest room in a hotel overlooking a city to just a really big hill. Places where you can look out over space is freeing and special. There could be infinite things occurring in front of you…but while perched it’s just one killer panorama.
Rainy days. Nothing better than having an excuse not to do anything. I love the sounds of pitter-pattering on the roof and swooshing of cars going by on the road. And the smell, OH MY GOD THE SMELL. You cannot beat the smell of a rainstorm (if you disagree, fight me). But the biggest reason I love rainy days is because it gives me the opportunity to put on my best pirate voice and say “looks like a storms a brewin!” (my wife loves this)
Definitely not crying at the end of Pixar movies. Not me sniffling corner as Woody and the gang sink towards the incinerator. Not me wiping my eyes when Grandma Coco hears Miguel play Remember Me. Definitely not me hiding my face in the bowl of popcorn as Boo opens her closet door only to see her closet.
Saying “if only there was some scientific explanation for that” when people are surprised that we’re experiencing our fifth 1,000-year flood in one decade or going on the eighth day of abnormally high temperatures. My career has been spent very politely sharing ways people and cities can improve their sustainability and build resiliency to climate change…but sometimes I just want to be an asshole about it.
Multi-Bit Screwdrivers. I guess we’re also supposed to put in a product plug, so I’m assuming I’ll get some sponsorship from this, right? Well, we bought a fixer-upper house a few years ago (#humblebrag), but that’s forced me to learn a lot of new things like how to safely use a miter saw, why you should always turn the water off from the main line before you take apart a sink, and that there are way too many screwhead shapes available on the market (Robertson heads can go to hell). The best tool I have, and one that is next to me during every project, is my Stanley Multibit Screwdriver. From house projects to kid’s toys (WHY DO THEY HAVE TO USE THE SMALLEST SCREWS KNOWN TO MANKIND), this bad boy will be with you through it all.
I got it from my Papa
I come from an inside family. We know there’s a whole big world out there to explore, but the couch is so warm and most people are terrible. My dad has a lot of great sayings, but the one I say the most often is “the best part of vacation is coming home.”
With all that time spent in our cozy home, we grew up consuming a lot of my parents’ favorite media. I get my love and appreciation of Rocio Dúrcal from my mom. This is one of the things I got from my dad.
If you have never seen Calamity Jane, please go here to rent it from Amazon immediately. When Collin and I first started dating we spent a Saturday night in my Oakland apartment showing each other YouTube videos that informed our personality development.
The video above is one of mine. Calamity Jane is one of my dad’s favorite movies and it introduced me to Doris Day, tap-dancing, and the satisfaction of a clean home.
If you end up watching it, please let me know. Enjoy.