The First Annual Golden Martinis
2023, reviewed.
The best part of creating this newsletter is the level of self-importance I’ve created for my opinions. It’s like when people call themselves “life coaches.” There is no formal pathway to becoming a culture critic or writer. You just say you are one and then, POOF. Here I am.
With that said, it’s time for my opinions to really shine. Congratulations, everyone. You are invited to attend the First Annual Golden Martinis ceremony. To RSVP, you just have to scroll down.
But first, book reviews.
December Book Reviews II
Wellness: 5 stars
What I liked about this book: This book was a delicious slow burn. I keep trying to think about what this book is about and I love that I can’t land on one single thing. It’s about the fallacy of wellness, the power of placebo, and the stories we tell ourselves to make the world around us make sense. It also made me sob at one point and any book that moves me to tears gets an automatic 5 stars.
Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who majored in Psychology; a person who is a parent in 2023; people who are trying to outrun their family.
Medium of the book: A hardcover purchased from Bookshop.org using a gift card I got from some of my favorite coworkers. I am a very lucky person.
Judging a book by its cover: I like it! It makes me think of Maslo’s hierarchy of needs.
The Rachel Incident: 5 stars
What I liked about this book: EVERYTHING. The characters were so well-developed and the story was captivating from the start. This book has one of the best endings I’ve ever read.
Who I’d recommend this book to: gay men and the straight women who love them.
Medium of the book: Audiobook borrowed from the Sacramento Public Library. I highly recommend the audiobook version because of the great Irish voice-acting.
Judging a book by its cover: Love it. A messy bun is the perfect hairstyle for Rachel.
The First Annual Golden Martinis
“Whoever said it was an honor just be nominated is lying to themselves.” - Martini McLavalos
Category: Worst Sickness of 2023
COVID-19 for the second time
The cold I got from the Sacramento airport
Shingles
the stomach ache I got after the Thanksgiving meal
Winner - Shingles: I got shingles this year and it was as miserable as you’d imagine it to be. Though it was such a humblebrag to tell my doctor, “I don’t know how I got these. I’m not even stressed.” Having shingles on your birthday is a major bummer but it did break my weight-loss plateau. Silver linings!
Category: Best Album of 2023
That! Feels Good! by Jessie Ware
Something To Give Each Other by Troye Sivan
The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan
Have You Heard of Christmas? by Matt Rogers
Winner - That! Feels Good!: Jessie Ware is the person who I have the most intense parasocial relationship with. I am obsessed with her. I have seen her live twice and both concerts are highlights of my life. This album is full of bops and I can’t name a single favorite.
One of the only reasons why I’d want a traditional wedding is so I can dance to “Hello Love” with Collin in front of everyone we love.
Category: Best Meal Eaten in 2023
The Indian feast Collin’s Tia Maribel made for my birthday
The meal eaten at NOPI in London
The chicken taco and chile verde quesadilla at El Novillero
The picadillo my dad has been making my whole life that I finally learned how to make this year
Burma Superstar eaten with my colleagues from other universities
Dishoom in London
Winner - NOPI: I WILL NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS MEAL. I’m grateful Collin had the foresight to document this meal because it was positively transcendent. Every single thing was delicious but the stand outs for me were the sweet potato & mung bean fritters, the eggplant with tahini yogurt and cherry molasses, and the lime leaf tapioca with coconut ice cream and passion fruit.
Category: Best Book Read in 2023
The Apology
Wellness
The Rachel Incident
Yellowface
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Great Circle
White Teeth
Teacher of the Year
Winner - Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: This was a close race between Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow and Yellowface. Both are books that have stayed with me and I keep thinking about. I ended up with Tomorrow x 3 because it was the first book I read this year and it became my metric for how much enjoyed a book. “This book was good, but did I like it as much as Tomorrow x3?”
I read 48 books this year, which is the most I’ve ever read. Reviews for 46 of them are on my Instagram if you’d like to go back and see the books I read before creating this newsletter.
The remaining 2 are the books that were recommended to be my therapist and you don’t need to know those ones. However, I will say I recommend listening to therapy books because it can be a lot to sit and read them. I felt like the material landed better with me while I was out on a walk. I would frequently pause the audiobook and start running to get some nervous energy out before resuming.
Category: Best Animal of 2023
The Highland cow with severe bangs in Portree, Scotland
Martini Diana Princess of Wales McLavalos
Maple Leaf Mel
The yacht-sinking orcas
Zoey Guida
Kurt and Ollie, the cloned Przewalski's Horses at the Safari Park
Winner - Martini: Wow, I did not expect to be a host parent for an intergalactic study abroad student but I’m so glad I did! Martini is my first pet and I love her so much. I’m so glad I finally have a vessel to project all of my own childhood trauma onto and it’s even better that she doesn’t understand any of it. The only thing that makes me sad is that I opted out of taking any cat classes in college. I have never had to use my sheep-shearing skills but hindsight is 20/20. Oh, well.
Category: Best Sticker Purchased for a Water Bottle of 2023
One Hundred Years of Solitude book cover
Happy Like a Quokka sticker
Gudetama as a runny egg yolk
Pusheen the cat in a cardboard box
“I’m horny for normalcy”
Winner - Quokka: This was a tough call but I chose the Quokka because it is how I hope I am perceived in the world.
Category: Best Thing I purchased in 2023
Cotopaxi Allpa 35L travel backpack
Kindle Paperwhite
PetSafe Eatwell 5-Meal Automatic Dog & Cat Feeder
Gun Oil water-based lubricant
Vuori Strato Tech Tee shirts
Hobnobs Coconut Macaroons
Martini
Winner - the lube: Everyone deserves a positive and fulfilling sex life and I think investing in products that work for you is money well spent. I know silicone is the objectively better option but I slipped in the shower once and that was enough for me to switch to water-based.
Category: Best Trip Taken
The United Kingdom
Berkeley and Oakland, several times
Portland and Seattle in May for work
Sacramento and Tahoe for Thanksgiving
Winner - The UK: This was the best vacation I have ever taken. I ran into my favorite British drag queen (Tia Kofi) on a Monday night in an empty bar! I got engaged to the love of my life! I started eating seafood! I ate delicious food! I ate disgusting food! It was all gorgeous.
Category: Best Night’s Sleep of 2023
February 17
April 5
April 6
July 13
December 12
Winner - December 12: This was my highest quality sleep this year according to my FitBit data.
2023 was a fantastic year for me personally. I’m both crying because it’s over and smiling because it happened. I am so excited to see what fresh hell 2024 will bring.