Mamma Tua!
Please tell your mom I say hello.
I love maternal figures. Their divine feminine energy has always drawn me like a gay little moth to their flames.
Before I began writing this, I thought critically of where my appreciation of moms came from. Of course I am descended from the legend herself. The older I get, the more I realize how lucky I am to feel so secure in my mother’s love. My mom is a true lioness and I have never doubted that she would do anything for me.
What a privilege!
Growing up as the youngest child sometimes felt like I had 3 moms instead of 2 sisters. I was raised in a household where feminine energy reigned supreme and it makes sense why almost all of my friends are women.
My appreciation for maternal figures grew in elementary school on field trips. I was placed in the carpools with the other boys, who happened to be my bullies. I always volunteered to sit in the front seat with the driver, usually one of my peer’s mom. I felt safe up there because I knew they wouldn’t make fun of me in front of a parent, but I also sincerely enjoyed the company. I was ingesting media way beyond my years and I loved talking about the most recent episode of Six Feet Under with the mother of my bully.
Years later when deciding which path I wanted to take as a professional in the horse industry, I gravitated towards the moms. Although I enjoyed my experiences with stallions as an undergraduate, I found them to be too sensitive and dramatic. The broodmares were more my speed and I’ve been a mare-man since.
I dedicate this edition of the newsletter to all the moms out there. I appreciate you and I hope you feel all the love you deserve today.
May Book Reviews
I wrote this newsletter in April before Collin and I left for our honeymoon so I have no idea if I’ve read any books so far in May. Here is where I was at the end of April, book-wise:
I just DNF’ed Stag Dance by Torrey Peters. Not for me, but I think I’d still recommend it if people are in the mood for a slice of interesting trans literature.
The following books are loaded onto my kindle:
I anticipate I’ll find a bookstore somewhere during my trip and I love getting a paperback as a souvenir. I’ll report back.
I was gifted an advanced release copy of The New Emotional Intelligence and I absolutely loved it. Full disclosure: I am the author’s best friend. It’s important that I make it clear that I’m his best friend and he is not mine. Please buy a copy and let me know whether or not you think Alberto deserved that project on page 226.
My Favorite People’s favorite things.
I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.
As a special Mothers’ Day treat, we have several Favorite People this month. Some of my most supportive readers of this newsletter are the moms of my friends. Writing this makes me feel vulnerable sometimes, but I know I will always have a few readers who are cheering me on.
You get to meet some of those readers today.
Favorite Person 1: Jo, Jayne’s mom
Favorite memory of Jo: I turned 30 during COVID and spent the day socially distant from Jayne on a beach in Goleta. Halfway through our picnic, Jo and her husband rode in on bikes and sang happy birthday to me. A wonder and a delight.
Jo’s Favorite Things in her own words:
Before I begin I must say that my most FAVORITE thing in the whole wide world is being Nana to my grandson, Elwood. I won’t bore you with the details of how much fun it is spending my mornings at the park, or reading him stories, or doing science experiments, or….sorry, I get carried away. Here goes with some of my 5 Favorite Things:
My YaYas and my NittWitts: I am truly blessed with many friendships. The YaYas are friends from elementary and high school and we get together as often as we can and laugh our asses off every time. My NittWitts group was formed in my early 40’s and we meet for coffee every Friday, we have game nights, dinners, and annual trips. They say that remaining socially active can potentially delay the onset of dementia, so my brain should be pretty darn strong! My advice to all you young people out there as you embark on new relationships is to always keep your friends close!
Physical copy of a book: Nothing beats the feel and smell of a real book. I haven’t succumbed to a Kindle yet, and I won’t say NEVER, but I still love going to the library and choosing a book to read. I MUST have a book on my nightstand and at least two in waiting! (Alberto, I LOVE reading your Book Reviews! Thanks for the ideas on what to read next!) And while I’m reading, there must be some dark chocolate nearby–preferably a Sees California Brittle, please and thank you!
Pickleball: I play pickleball every Sunday morning and it’s SO much fun!! It’s a great way to exercise and get out some pent-up energy when you whack the heck out of the ball. We’re loud and so not serious and we end up doubled over with laughter every week. If you haven’t tried it yet, I encourage you to do so. Friday coffee and Sunday pickleball are my therapy sessions!
Cozy pajamas and Hallmark Christmas movies and Real Housewives with Jayne: I love the winter weather and cozying up in my flannel pajamas to watch one of those (yes, I know, VERY cheesy) Hallmark movies. I can’t help myself. Sheesh, don’t people know how comforting it is to know that everyone and everything is going to be alright in the end? Give me cheesy, please! And then there are The Real Housewives—dear god, they are so incredibly UNreal, however, watching them with my daughter Jayne and laughing over the ridiculousness of their lives is one of my favorite things to do.
The Muppets: Bottom line—they make me happy. And now that I have my grandson, they are singing once again in our house. I mean, if your heart doesn’t melt when you hear Kermit the Frog singing “Rainbow Connection” while strumming his banjo by a lake, if you don’t laugh while Fozzie Bear is singing “Movin’ Right Along” or cry while Gonzo sings “I’m Going To Go Back There Someday”, then do you even have a soul? Check them out if you ever need a lift!
That’s it. That’s me in a nutshell! I love you, Alberto!!
Favorite Person 2: Rita, Jana’s mom
Favorite memory of Rita: Rita hosted us for night 1 of Hanukkah 2023 and we were so honored to feel like a part of the family. She sent us all home with rice bowls and gave a beautiful speech about how powerful it can be when you embrace finding the joy in simple pleasures.
Rita’s Favorite Things in her own words:
This is such a wonderful surprise—asked to be a part of the May newsletter! Thank you Alberto, hugs to both you and Collin. I’m a lucky mom that you came into our lives through Jana.
Retirement: I’ll just say a few things about pre-retirement. I’m very proud of my career accomplishments. There were opportunities to grow, become more sensitive, become bolder, become wiser and prepare myself to say “it’s time to pack it up.” Retirement, which commenced February 1, 2020 at the start of COVID lockdown, has given me time to be more reflective. To nurture all the aspects of my life that are truly important. Hence, my list of favorite things continues…..
The things I’ve not deleted from my life since college:
Oil of Olay–the original stuff. This lotion is my old friend. A day doesn't start without it. This was a budget splurge when I was in my 20’s. Now, in my 60’s its a simple pleasure connecting me to my youth and all the times I’ve lived.
Birkenstocks: I haven’t been without a pair since 1978. I wore that first pair for 10 years (a confession: I wore that pair when I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. Horrifying, I know. I flushed red when the bride reminded me of that years ago). Ah well, poor college student faux paux. I did wear Birkenstocks to both of my daughters' weddings, no regrets!
Letters from my father: No cell phones in 1977. My dad was a diligent letter writer. When my dad retired in 1977 he, my mom and 4 younger siblings moved to Washington State from our home in California. I remained in California to complete my college degree. My dad posted letters once or twice a week to me. He died in August of 1980, too young, too soon. It took about 30 years before I could open and revisit his ‘news.’ So glad I kept these treasures.
My husband Jeff: Yes, I’ve kept him since college too! For close to 45 years we’ve known each other, been married nearing 41 years. He’s been my biggest cheerleader, best friend, best husband, father and Pop Pop to our grandkids. Marriage is hard sometimes, the stresses of work, family and homelife can wear thin but Jeff has stood by me through it all. I could write (should write) a book of his many talents. He’s the best handyman (no drain he can’t unclog, no repair too daunting). He’s an artist, a woodworking genius. He’s a landscape designer. Our backyard became a gorgeous wedding venue for both of our daughters because of his vision and muscle. Everything important to me is the direct result of the love Jeff has for me. I’m very fortunate that the universe managed to bring us together all those years ago. I love you Jeff!
Watering my garden: My birthday is in July. I’m a Cancer. I’m the ultimate homebody. I’m not one to wake up and choose adventure. I’m pretty linear. I take my time making decisions–where to travel, paint color, a new couch. I do my best thinking while watering the garden. I love watering my garden. Like weeding, watering is my ‘church’. I do my best thinking when I’m in the yard. It’s wondrous to watch trees bloom, produce fruit, identify new shoots and blossoms. I’m filled with joy when I can share a strawberry, a loquat, and scatter seeds with my granddaughter. I love that she reminds me that the Ficus in my backyard was climbed by her mommy when her mommy was young. I’m a homebody surrounded by friends and family that make me feel loved and valued. I hope I give as much to all of them.. My daughter Jana drove a 1998 Honda CRV through college. I’ll finish up my share with the words emblazoned on her spare tire cover: Life Is Good!
Favorite Person 3: Carolyn, Crista’s mom
Favorite memory of Carolyn: Carolyn and I met for dinner and drinks when I was traveling in Temecula for work. We spent the night talking about books, life as professionals in education, and the new guy I had just started dating named Collin.
Carolyn’s Favorite Things in her own words:
College Friendships Which Become Lifetime Friendships: It is amazing that people you meet in college become lifetime friends who continue to share common values, interests, and adventures. College is that awkward time when you don’t know ANYTHING about yourself or your identity, yet somehow you manage to glom on to some new people and they become your lifeline to discovering yourself. These people know your best and your worst, yet they stick by you anyway. I recently had a reunion with two of my favorite college roommates/friends. The comfort level, conversations, and camaraderie felt like ZERO years had passed since we were in college together (when it had actually been 42 years!). Soon after, I attended my daughter’s wedding where she was surrounded by the love and support of her UC Davis LitFam college friends. One of her first UC Davis besties, the one and only Alberto, was the fabulous officiant. My heart warmed as I realized THIS was one of my very favorite things– knowing that your children have developed these same supportive friendships.
Loving AND liking your kidults: As a parent of three children, I have ALWAYS loved my kids. They are my world. But sometime after the development of their frontal cortexes (26+), I was sitting around the firepit in my backyard listening to them converse, and I realized: I not only LOVE my kids, but I LIKE them too! When you WANT to hang around your own kids because they turned into the kind of people you and your late husband loved , it is a pretty cool thing. I saw this quote on Instagram and it instantly resonated.
Chai tea (not Chai Lattes): One of my favorite things is CHAI TEA. I do not like the sugary, milky lattes, just a really strong, spicy Chai brewed tea. I could drink it all day. The warmth, the smell, the comfort, and the caffeine fuels me. It is much better when it is loose leaf tea brewed hot!
Puzzle Boards: My mom loved jigsaw puzzles. My daughter loves jigsaw puzzles. I wanted to love them too, but hated that my whole dining room table was consumed by the puzzle until I was finished with it. As a result, I never loved them enough to actually do them….UNTIL my daughter introduced me to PUZZLE BOARDS! Now I can move my puzzle outside, to the floor, to a couch, to another room! It slants, it has sorting drawers, and it swivels. It is the gateway drug to loving jigsaw puzzles! I can complete 3-4 pieces a day and don’t feel the need to get it done quickly or put it back in the box when company comes. A life-changing, completely unnecessary luxury.
Trees: Trees are one of my favorite things. I need to be near trees. They are my oxygen, my soul-refreshers, my green fuel. I especially love forests of great-smelling pine trees, but any trees will do. I have a park near my house with many large, developed trees. During covid virtual on-line teaching, I would walk to that park to get a break from staring at a classroom of students on a computer. I would soak in those green tree leaves glistening in the golden sunshine and refresh my entire being. Hiking or camping under trees is my idea of complete and utter zen.
Favorite Person 4: Robin, Emily’s aunt
Favorite memory of Robin: Robin, Collin, and I rocked the dance floor at Emily and Chris’s wonderful wedding. It was a powerful manifestation of joy and is easily one of the top 3 wedding dance floors I’ve ever had the pleasure of destroying.
Robin’s Favorite Things in her own words:
I’m tickled pink to be considered one of Alberto’s favorite people and delighted he asked me to share my favorite things! One of my fondest/funnest (fundest?) memories is dancing with Alberto & Collin at my niece’s wedding. It was epic.
I look forward to discovering the new - whether it be a book (thank you for the detailed recs BTW) or a restaurant or some other item that I don’t need but once seen, I MUST have. Insta and TikTok Shop have got my number. Credit card number, that is! Without further ado, here are some of my favorite things (in no particular order):
Hugs: Years ago, I read that hugs can have a profound healing effect physically and mentally, and science confirms it. Hugs release oxytocin which promotes feelings of trust, connection and well-being. Who doesn’t want that? I used to just open my arms and dive toward folks, but once a person literally flinched..yikes! Now I ask “are you a hugger” before leaning in for one. I love giving hugs, because then I get hugs. Physical touch is one of my love languages and I’m a fierce hugger.
Games: Board, trivia, card, dice, I like just about ANY kind of game, and believe it or not, I’m not competitive. I don’t care if I win, I just like to play. In our current rotation: Catan . Family and friends all play, and last year I taught my grandson to play (he was 9). In turn, he’s teaching my daughter and her partner. Next, Cribbage. A classic! A GF friend taught me years ago, then proceeded to steal my nobs every time we played. IYKYK. Jackbox Games is/are another family favorite. The Party Packs are a variety of online games, fun for multiple participants. Slick, funny, topical. They’re a blast! (Sometimes more fun with a bit of “social lubrication.”
Family: My birth family is small. I never met anyone on my birth father’s side, and we weren’t close with my stepdad’s relatives either. When my family gets together, we don’t usually plan activities. We’d rather just hang out and talk and play games and just BE with each other. For me, there’s nothing better. We’re fortunate to be very close to each other and supportive of one another. With marriages, in-laws, kids and grandkids, our small family is growing, and it can be overwhelming to be part of a BIG family, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Cooking: Over the years, I’ve gotten to be a pretty good cook (IMHO), and I enjoy it for several reasons. a) I like to eat tasty food, so I make tasty food, b) as a recovering control freak and a neuro-spicy person, it’s a way of following instructions, putting things in order, and making something out of seemingly random ingredients. Follow a recipe. Taste. Maybe a bit more of this or that? These are things I CAN control. c) Cooking is also my way of showing people I care. Best ingredient? Love.
Animals: Owning them, caring for ours, caring for others’, watching animal documentaries, reading about rare animals in books or on the internet, getting to pet good doggos on the hiking trail, watching funny videos of crazy kitten antics, fainting goats, cat or dog videos with voice-overs? Yes please. I’m equally delighted by pics of someone’s dog OR child. My nephew’s wife is a zookeeper at the Oakland Zoo, so I’ve been privileged to enjoy some “behind the scenes” tours and even got to hand feed ringtail lemurs! (It was absolutely wonderful!)
Looking over this list, I see that I need connection and community. I’m fortunate to have both.
Favorite Person 5: Pam, Kevin’s mom
Favorite memory of Pam: One time I came over to her house to meet a carpool to Lake Tahoe. Pam and I sat at the kitchen table for awhile and chatted about things I can’t even remember now. All I remember is walking away from that interaction feeling Pam’s radiant love and warmth.
Pam’s Favorite Things in her own words:
Being a Grandma: Simply the best gig around! I get all the cuddles, the laughs, and those heart melting hugs, without the all-nighters and endless laundry. Getting to be part of my son and daughter-in-law’s parenting journey has been incredibly special. From the moment they brought that tiny bundle home, I was hooked. I’ve soaked up every newborn snuggle, every sleepy nap on my chest, the first giggles, the toddling steps that turned into running. But the cherry on top? Hearing him shout “Grandma!” and run straight into my arms for a big hug. My heart? Melts. Every. Single. Time.
Flowers: There’s something about flowers that always brings a smile to my face. Whether I’m picking fresh blooms from my garden or grabbing a vibrant bouquet from the store, they instantly brighten my day. Having flowers in my home lifts my mood and adds a warm, welcoming touch. I also find gardening satisfying, especially in the spring when I’m planting colorful annuals and watching my outdoor space come to life.
Reading: Few things compare to being utterly absorbed in a good book. When I find the time, I love sitting on my patio with my feet up, enjoying a captivating story— it’s the ultimate way to relax. Of course, Sunday afternoons can be a bit challenging with the busy park nearby and the boom boxes blasting in the background! Still, reading is one of my favorite ways to unwind. There's nothing better than a book that keeps me hooked until the very end.
Coffee: My morning ritual isn’t complete without a large cup of coffee, the newspaper, and tackling the Jumble, Wordle and Connections. There's something about solving those puzzles that feels like the perfect mental warm-up to the day. Of course, I’m not much for conversation before my first cup—don’t even try to talk to me! The quiet time with my coffee, the paper and a few puzzles, helps me get ready for whatever the day may bring.
Shoes with Arch Support – After years of wearing heels, flip-flops, and completely unsupportive flats, I’ve finally reached the point where arch support is everything. Turns out, I have super high arches, and without proper support, my feet basically go on strike. Thankfully, I’m not alone and thank goodness designers are finally catching on! Whether it’s a growing trend or I’ve just started paying attention, I’m seeing more and more cute, stylish shoes that actually support your feet. I’m thrilled every time I find a pair that’s both cute and comfortable—it feels like striking gold.
What an honor to be asked and to be part of this amazing mom energy. Happy Mother's Day to your momma, Alberto!